First of all, do a self check before negotiating and playing in a scene. Am I in a good mental state? Have I had any alcohol or drugs that will impair my judgement? If so, rethink your involvement.
Second, Is the person you are negotiating with in a good mental state? Have they had any alcohol or drugs that will impair their judgement? If so, rethink your involvement.
Negotiation is the first step to safe and consensual scenes in BDSM. Even so, negotiation is often overlooked or hurried through, even by experienced players. Negotiation is one of the most valuable ways to keep yourself and your partner safe when done correctly, it’s also part of the fun.
When you begin negotiations, you and your partner are building a fantasy together. The first thing that should be asked are medical concerns and allergy's pertaining to your scene. (I don't have to know you have a bee allergy unless you are outside). I see too often this part is missing. Second you talk about what each of you desire and how to build a memorable experience. It can be sadistic to very sexy. This sort of communication is the best way for the parties to get their needs met. Whether you start the conversation in person, by email, or text, as long as it works for you. If you can't do it ahead of time, don't rush through it and reduce your scene time if needed so that it can be done correctly.
Establish safe words. Very common: green for yes, more please; yellow for slow down or check in; red for stop right away.
Discuss aftercare (for both of you, not just the bottom). For some people this is as simple as a glass of water, a piece of chocolate, and a warm blanket with a five minute snuggle. For others, they may take a couple hours.
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